Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's top comedians devoted their evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for 5 million. A government website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to wealthy applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, with hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.